My not-so-secret “trick” for getting (almost) everything

Recently, I stood in a queue in front of a DB ticket counter to get a train ticket refunded. A room full of people, a spiteful atmosphere, everyone stressed, the queue seemingly endless and infinitely slow. And a man at the front counter loudly shouting at the employee. I couldn’t figure out what it was all about.

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However, it was obvious that he had not achieved what he had hoped for with his aggressive behavior. As far as I could tell, the lady at the counter rebuffed him with the utmost disinterest in good German “official style”. Snorting and swearing, he stomped past me into the open. What an idiot, I thought to myself.

“Management by being a stupid idiot”

I was once like this idiot. Maybe even worse. Blessed with a certain sharp-tonguedness and the intuition to be able to start exactly where it hits the other person, I put employees and others around me where I thought it was right in order to achieve what I wanted.

That often worked well on the surface, in the sense that I achieved what I wanted. But it also left a trail of emotional destruction in its wake. The vast majority of these paths are overgrown, but unfortunately not all of them. At some point, I came to a point where I realized that it wasn’t really working, because in the short term, the approach might have had advantages. In the long term, it was a disaster for everyone involved, especially for me.

Dear and soft

So I radically changed my behavior. I am now fundamentally soft and kind. This is not superficial, but is based on the insight that we all get along well when we are “soft” to each other. The way things are conducted in the field should be characterized by respect, tolerance and decency. Then everyone wins.

Belittling people, trying to force your point of view through with violence and strength, only produces losers. Those who think they are winners simply don’t realize it until later.

In my experience, the most confusing disputes and conflicts can suddenly be resolved if you approach each other in a “soft” way. And if you can’t reach a common denominator, you’ve at least laid the foundation for resuming the conversation later.

Questions

The second thing that really helps is asking questions. It’s amazing what you can get in today’s world if you just ask in a decent and friendly way. In the last 6 years, I have gotten simply incredible things. Simply by asking nicely.

Bätschi culture FTW #not

Unfortunately, the opinion still often prevails that you have to “really show someone” when something isn’t working. It is perhaps a way of venting personal frustration. But it almost invariably generates new problems. I’m always amazed when people tell me that they’ve really put person x or y in their place. They even brag about it subliminally. And don’t even realize that the only ones who are really stupid in the landscape are themselves.

Tough on the matter – correct in tone

Of course, this does not mean that we have to celebrate an ideal world on the surface. No. We should and may continue to be tough on the course and on the matter. Being critical is difficult these days. Many people confuse and mix these two things. I now believe that the best way to conduct a tough and difficult negotiation, for example, is to be friendly and correct.

Please excuse me. But I got to ask.
Are you only being nice
because you want something?

Thom Yorke in “The Eraser”

Basic conviction

I am friendly to my fellow human beings out of conviction. I believe that if we are all kind to each other, regardless of our beliefs or religion or whatever, living together on this planet is simply better. Sometimes it works better. Sometimes worse. But it should be the basis from which we start. Being friendly costs nothing. Even if it doesn’t achieve anything. Being unfriendly, on the other hand, always costs. It’s just a question of time.